Google Translate Poetry: Imagine

*Note: I think the beauty of this one is that the message remained clear even after moving through 5 languages, proving John Lennon a true genius and his song a wonderful universal message.

 

Original:

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Method:

English – Filipino – Ukrainian – Macedonian – French – Arabic – French – Macedonian – Ukrainian – Filipino – English

Result:

Think of the sky

It’s easy if you try

There is no hell under us

Just above us is paradise

Think of all the people living today

Think of a nation

Not hard to do

Do not kill or die

No religion

Imagine all those who live in peace, you

You can say that I dream

But I’m not alone

I hope you join us once

The world will be just one

You Really Ought to Read it First: The Story of Esther

A lot of people claim the biblical story of Esther is their favorites. And, really, who can blame them? The tale of Esther has everything you could ever want: intrigue, revenge, misogyny, sex, violence. Oh yeah, there’s some courage, a little love and a smattering of devotion in there, too. You may be scratching your head and wondering “What are you talking about?” I’m so glad you asked. Let’s unpack this not-so-vaguely disturbing story.

Set during the Babylonian Exile, the story begins when a drunken King Ahasuerus orders his queen, Vashti, to dance naked in front of his guests. When she refuses (oh Vashti, you feminist, you), the king is not happy. One of his counselors says this affront must be punished because if the word got out that Vashti had refused an order from the king, all the other women would get uppity and there would be “no end of put-downs and arguments.” (From Ester 1, Common English Bible) In other words, women might start thinking for themselves, and God knows, we can’t have that. So, the king sent out a decree stating that Vashti would never come before him again (whether this was accomplished through banishment or execution is unclear) and her place would be given to someone “better”. And, doing so in such a public manner would send a message to the women throughout the kingdom to know their place and stay in it.

Of course, that meant there was an opening in Ahasuerus’ harem and he began looking for a replacement. That’s where Esther and her uncle, Mordecai, come into the picture. Every time I hear the name “Mordecai”, I can’t help but think of a character in an extremely surreal cartoon called “Regular Show”. That Mordecai, a blue jay who works as a groundskeeper at a park with his best friend Rigby (a racoon), is a slacker whose attempts to goof off invariably lead to crazy, weird misadventures. But, he stands head and shoulders over the Mordecai of the Bible. I mean, seriously, we’re talking about a guy who forced a young girl he had adopted after her parents died into prostitution. Yeah, you heard me: prostitution. I mean, what else would you call it? He pushed a 14-year-old girl into the king’s harem and something tells me it wasn’t to play Monopoly.

Why would Mordecai do this? It doesn’t really say, but later events show he may have done so for political advantage (we’ll get to that in a minute). What a sterling fellow. Whatever Mordecai’s reason might have been, it worked. After Esther spent that first night with Ahasuerus, she became his favorite. It makes perfect sense. What dirty old man worth his salt wouldn’t favor a pretty, unspoiled teen age girl?

As the story continues, Mordecai angers the king’s chief advisor, Haman. Why? He didn’t bow to him because, as a Jew, he only bowed to God. Haman, being a text villain straight out of Central Casting, decides to get back at Mordecai for his disrespect by convincing the king to authorize the extermination of all the Jews in the kingdom. When Morty finds out, he decides to use his strategically placed asset in the king’s household (i.e. Esther) to stop the plot, telling her to appeal to the king and save her people. This that political advantage I mentioned earlier. Mordecai was playing the long game.

Esther, however, balked because she hadn’t been called before the king and wouldn’t be any time soon. To appear without being called meant death. Mordecai, ever the doting father, throws a guilt trip on her, saying “Don’t think for one minute that, unlike all the other Jews, you’ll come out of this alive simply because you are in the palace. In fact, if you don’t speak up at this very important time, relief and rescue will appear for the Jews from another place, but you and your family will die. But who knows? Maybe it was for a moment like this that you came to be part of the royal family.” Seriously? “Perhaps you became queen for such a time as this”??? Hell, a situation is probably what he had in mind when he gave her to the king in the first place. I hear people talk about how courageous Mordecai was, but I think he was one manipulative mutha.

But, his guilt trip works, and Esther gives him one condition for going to the king: for all the Jews in Susa (the city where this story takes place) to fast for three days in order to help her be brave enough to carry out this crazy-ass plan. Really, Esther? You’re going to risk your life and all you want is for Morty and his people to fast? I believe I’d have asked for a little more.

But, if you stick with this stomach-turning story long enough, there is a payoff. Eventually, Haman’s schemes come to light and he is impaled on the very pole he had planned to use for Mordecai’s execution (Google “impalement” at your own risk) and Esther begs the king to rescind his genocidal decree. Unfortunately, Ahasuerus doesn’t have the stones and passes the buck, allowing Mordecai to issue a decree that allowed the Jews to defend themselves. And, it works: Mordecai and Esther’s people are prepared for the attack and successfully defend themselves. Yay!

Of course, that isn’t where the story ends, because the Jews take this opportunity to exact revenge on everyone who had ever wronged them; even sweet little Esther gets in on this orgy of violence, asking the king to impale Haman’s sons. When the dust settles, 75,000 of their enemies lay dead. The Bible says this occurred on the 13th day of Adar and, on the 14th day, they rested and had a day of feasting and rejoicing. And, that boys and girls, is the origin of the Feast of Purim.

So, what’s the point of me dumping on a story that many people find inspiring? Well, for one thing, I’m tired of stories from the Bible being white-washed because the truth is unpalatable. That and I’m a bit of jerk. Sorry, not sorry.

Google Translate Poetry: Hey Jude

Original:

 

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

 

Hey Jude, don’t be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

 

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain

Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders

For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah

 

Method:

 

English – Romanian – Welsh – Basque – Arabic – Hebrew – Arabic – Basque – Welsh – Romanian – English

 

Result:

 

Hey, Jude, you will not hurt

Take a sad song and do it better

Remember that you will leave it in your heart

So, start improving

 

Hey Yehuda, do not be afraid

You have to go and take it

When the skin is thrown down

Then start working better

 

When you’re sorry, you’re avoiding Jews

Do not take the world on your shoulders

Well, you know you crazy

Make the world cool and nothing

Google Translate Poetry: The Kennedy Inaugural

Original:

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility—I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it—and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.

Method:

English – Polish – Somali – Portuguese – Latvian – Swedish – Latvian – Portuguese – Somali – Polish – English

Result:

Some generations play a key role in world history not give to freedom with the greatest risk. I am not ashamed of administration – they welcome them. I do not think we would change any of the others Generation, faith and respect for this problem makes us illumine You and all the winners and the beauty of fire can shine brightly in the world.

So people in the garden: do not ask what your country can do for you, ask how you can do your country

Google Translate Poetry: Smells Like Teenspirit

Original:

Load up on guns, bring your friends
It’s fun to lose and to pretend
She’s over-bored and self-assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low

With the lights out, it’s less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
Yeah, hey

Method:

English – Norwegian – Armenian – Indonesian – Dutch – Latin  – Dutch – Indonesian – Armenian – Norwegian – English

Result:

Upload weapons, bring your friends

The country ignores the losses

He is dull and confident

Unfortunately, I know dirty words

Hey Hey!

 

That light means less risk

We are here for fun

I feel stupid and contagious

We are here for fun

A mulatto, and Albina, an umbrella, my desire

In this way, a long life

Google Translate Poetry: Trump’s Inaugural Address

Original:

Their victories have not been your victories; their triumphs have not been your triumphs; and while they celebrated in our nation’s Capital, there was little to celebrate for struggling families all across our land.

That all changes – starting right here, and right now, because this moment is your moment: it belongs to you.

It belongs to everyone gathered here today and everyone watching all across America.

This is your day. This is your celebration.

And this, the United States of America, is your country.

What truly matters is not which party controls our government, but whether our government is controlled by the people.

January 20th 2017, will be remembered as the day the people became the rulers of this nation again.

The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer.

Method:

English – Spanish – Arabic – Korean – Chinese – Russian – Chinese – Korean – Arabic – Spanish – English

Result:

Your victory is not your victory. Your victory is not your victory. They are celebrating in the capital, but our country does not celebrate this family.

These moments are changing. For now it’s yours

It belongs to everyone today and to all who see the United States as a whole.

Today is your vacation.

This is your country, the United States.

In fact, it is very important that the government control people instead of political parties.

On January 20, 2017, people will be remembered again as the ruler of this country.

Forgotten men and women will not forget our country.

Google Translate Poetry: The Wasteland Part 2

Original:

If you don’t like it you can get on with it, I said.

Others can pick and choose if you can’t.

But if Albert makes off, it won’t be for lack of telling.

You ought to be ashamed, I said, to look so antique.

(And her only thirty-one.)

I can’t help it, she said, pulling a long face,

It’s them pills I took, to bring it off, she said.

(She’s had five already, and nearly died of young George.)

The chemist said it would be all right, but I’ve never been the same.

You are a proper fool, I said.

Well, if Albert won’t leave you alone, there it is, I said,

What you get married for if you don’t want children?

HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME

Well, that Sunday Albert was home, they had a hot gammon,

And they asked me in to dinner, to get the beauty of it hot—

HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME

 

Method:

 

Method: English – Bosnian – Lithuanian – Arabic – Catalan – Arabic – Lithuanian – Bosnian – English

 

Result:

 

 

If you do not like it, you can keep it, I said.

Others can choose whether they can.

But if Albert refused to do it, it would not be because of the lack of language.

You must disturb him, I said that he looks very old.

(Thirty-one).

She said: “I can not run away and leave for a long time

“These are pills I would like to play,” he said.

(George has already been killed for five years).

The chemist said it would be fine, but I was never that way.

I’m a real fool, I said.

Well, if Alberto did not leave you alone, I said

What is a house if you do not want children?

You’ve chosen your time

Well, this week Albert was home, had a warm flight,

They asked me to eat

You’ve chosen your time