Episode 8


The BetaFiles


Date: 5/4/18

Episode# BB008

Subject: Social Commentary



May 4, 2018. A wolf breaks loose in Washington, the Koreans dance in the DMZ, Marco Rubio admits the tax plan was a bad idea, Facebook will soon know all of your desires, California and Texas are both going after the Administration, and Trump gets the questions for Mueller’s test ahead of time – Dr J will be here to discuss Comedians and Social commentary – What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate – I’m the Barbour and this is The BetaFiles

The Week in News:

In a time of darkness and cold, when all seems lost to tweets and snatch grabbing, there’s one place that Americans can find solace – The BetaFiles week in News…(soundbite)

So much to discuss, so little time, so let’s start with Saturday night…

Michelle Wolf cut loose at the White House Correspondence Dinner last Saturday night, doing exactly what she had been hired to do – roasting the Administration and the Press. Backlash came that night and the next day over her “vulgarity” and attacks on the women of the administration. Debates all week raged over whether she should have been allowed to say the things she said, whether the dinner itself should be cancelled, and whether or not telling a woman she has a perfect smoky eye is criticizing her looks. Wolf attacked Kelly Anne Conway, Ivanka Trump, and Sarah Huckabee Sanders over their lies and abilities to cover up for a misogynistic President, to which several in the liberal press came to the defense of the administration’s women, and condemned Wolf for what she had said. These same women who defended Sanders have all been the target of the Toddler in Chief at various points, yet they seem to have forgotten the fact.

No word yet on whether or not the dinner will continue, however, by Thursday morning, The Hill, like The New York Times before it, announced that it will not attend the dinner for the foreseeable future.

Facebook announced on Tuesday that it will be adding a new dating service to its growing empire. The FaceBook Dating App will be separate from the main platform, with its own messaging app and pic library. The move is, as Zuckerberg sees it, a chance to foster long term relationships instead of Hook-ups.

The Zuckster explained, in an abstract kinda way, how the app will work. “We have designed this with privacy and safety in mind from the beginning,” he told his audience. “Your friends aren’t going to see your profile, and you’re only going to be suggested to people who are not your friends.” Apparently, the app will comb through your events log on your regular page and look for people at the same event(s) that have similar interests as you – eliminating people you may already know from your regular friends list. The app will then prompt you to send a message to see if the other person is interested in meeting.

The move brings Facebook full circle as it originated as a swipe or like style app for hook-ups before morphing into the social everything platform we know it as now, leaving Tinder, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, and a host of other dating apps running scared as they see their untimely demise coming. Much like WhatsApp, Instagram, Snapchat, and MySpace that have all been crushed under the newsfeed algorithm, the dating app world is set for a cleansing, Zuckerberg style. As proof, stock prices for Match Group, owners of Tinder and OKCupid, dropped 18% following the announcement. Apparently, they weren’t able to swipe left and get rid of Zuckerberg.

Earlier in the week, Marco Rubio went way off message with the Republican’s corporate tax cuts when he was quoted as saying, “There is still a lot of thinking on the right that if big corporations are happy, they’re going to take the money they’re saving and reinvest it in American workers. In fact, they bought back shares, a few gave out bonuses; there’s no evidence whatsoever that the money’s been massively poured back into the American worker.”

Later, after conservatives raged, raged, raged against Rubio’s dying light, and liberals simply noted “Couldn’t have said it better ourselves,” Rubio’s spokeswoman tried to clarify the comments by saying, “[Senator] Rubio pushed for a better balance in the tax law between tax cuts for big businesses and families, as he’s done for years. As he said when the tax law passed, cutting the corporate tax rate will make America a more competitive place to do business, but he tried to balance that with an even larger child tax credit for working Americans.”

Response from the right was swift, as they quickly defended the cuts by arguing the results of the cuts will not be fully realized for a few years. Although, the problem is that zero corporations have done anything to reinvest the money so far but have found plenty of time to reward investors with all the extra capital, all while sending their mouth pieces onto CNBC and Bloomberg to discuss wage stagnation and why it will not rise for a while.

It’s important to note that Rubio did stall the cuts for a brief two days when he demanded that a larger tax credit was added for the benefit of working families. He gave in to a reduced version of his original proposal, promising to revisit the matter later.

Rubio, in the same interview that started the firestorm, also noted, “Government has an essential role to play in buffering this transition. If we basically say everyone is on their own and the market’s going to take care of it, we will rip the country apart, because millions of good hard-working people lack the means to adapt.”

And to that, Bernie wept.

Texas is suing the Trump administration over claims that Trump has not done enough to end DACA. The Lonestar state, on of seven listed in the lawsuit, is arguing that former President Obama exceeded his authority when he created the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program in 2012. Because of this, the executive order that created the program is seen as illegal, and Texas sees the Trump administration as complicit in its continued use. The lawsuit is asking the court to phase the program out over a two-year period, something the lawyers say is the white thing to do. A decision in support of the lawsuit could cause more problems for DACA recipients, leading to a showdown in the Supreme court over conflicting rulings as just last week, a federal judge ruled the suspension of DACA by the Trump administration unlawful as there was not enough evidence provided by the Department of Homeland Security to prove that the program is unlawful and needed to be discontinued. When reached for comment, Trump political advisor Stephen Miller responded, “they’re brown and they speak Spanish, that in itself is illegal.”

California is also suing the administration, but unlike it’s Tex-Mex brethren, the golden state is targeting the EPA and Scott Pruitt. The lawsuit is in reaction to Pruitt announcing earlier in April that he plans to roll back the Obama era regulations over emission standards that require car companies to up their game to 50 miles per gallon by 2025. Pruitt argues that the regulations were based on old science, and that the current numbers don’t back up the need for such harsh regulations. Through a veil of smog, California governor Jerry Brown asked Pruitt, can you see me now?

California, along with 16 other high traffic states, are demanding that the roll back will be declared illegal and dangerous to the health of the public as the move to enact these standards was to curve the amount of greenhouse gases being immitted into the air. The problem that Brown and his fellow governors are running into is that Pruitt doesn’t believe in climate change and refuses to acknowledge that it took longer than 6 days to make the world he is freely destroying.

When asked for a comment on the lawsuit, Pruitt’s secretary responded that he was unavailable at the moment as he was out hunting a Polar Bear in a diesel powered 1960s tractor trailer. The bear was last seen driving a Nissan Leaf out of town.

Cambridge Analytica is no more. After intense scrutiny for the 2016 election debacle with Facebook, Cambridge Analytica board members dissolved the Company Wednesday, taking their old furniture, old computers, and old databases across the street and forming a new company called Emerdata. The news broke when SCL Elections, the company that owned Cambridge Analytica, announced immediate closure of the controversial firm, and proceeding towards insolvency proceedings to disband as soon as possible.

In the press release, the owners claimed that they would honor all severance, benefits, and redundancy obligations as the lights go out on this quirky moment in history. However, sources from The Register UK, note that a new company called Emerdata Limited has been registered with the same address as SCL, and the same management as Cambridge Analytica, leaving all to assume that all they have done is simply rebranded themselves to start over.

In a related announcement, again, Mark Zuckerberg announced Facebook would begin a dating app…

Last weekend, the two Koreas came together to negotiate and take a lot of pictures together. During the two days that Kim Jung Un visited the South, he promised the world that he would gladly dismantle his nuclear arsenal and production plant in public view for all to see as long as Dennis Rodman could keep coming over for sleep overs, and the US didn’t try to invade. The two leaders also announced a formal end to the Korean war, to which Jim’s grandpa suddenly screamed, “We won!” then died.

The results of the summit have led to many calling for a nomination for the Nobel peace prize, though it isn’t for either of the Korean presidents, but for El Presidente Trump. We here at The BetaFiles have obtained an early copy of notes that the President drafted late Tuesday when he decided the Nobel prize might happen. It reads:

Dear non-Americans of the world, what a tremendous award this is. I can’t tell you how magnificent and wonderful this is to be here in Sweden where all my fellow white people live in peace. It’s not like those shithole countries like Haiti and New Jersey, no, Sweden reminds me of Connecticut where white people are allowed to roam free with little to fear.

This is an amazing time in our history. It reminds me of the 10 times I was on the cover of Time Magazine and won person of the year four times. It reminds me of when Lincoln defeated the Germans in the war of 1812. Lincoln – there’s a great president. Making all those Indians move out of Georgia to Oklahoma so they could have all that desert to die in. Lincoln should have won the Nobel for that, you know, but I guess you guys didn’t think it important enough to give it to him, not as important as me! Make Nobel Great Again, and you have by giving it to me, although, I have to tell you that the award itself is a bit small, with something this amazing, you would think it would be as big as the Stanly cup. In fact, I think I’m going to give this back and let you re-do it so it matches the size of the Stanly cup and it can truly represent how amazing I am.

And make it all gold.

More on this story as it depresses me.

Rod Rosenstein made the House Republicans his bitch this week when he responded to news that the “Freedom Caucus” had applied for articles of impeachment for him, looking to get rid of the deputy attorney general over accusations that he has been with holding information from them in a case that they have now closed. When asked for comment, Rosenstein said that “they should know by now that the Justice Department will not be extorted.” In response, David Nunez called his mommy.

Sean Hannity is an idiot.

Teachers in Arizona and Colorado joined Kentucky, Oklahoma, and West Virginia this week as the latest to strike against oppressive cuts in their states education budgets. The Arizona teachers have been pondering the move ever since the Oklahoma protests, and finally found enough gas money to make the trip to Phoenix where they were able to protest for two days before running out of Ramen, store brand soda, and stale saltines.

Rumors are that North Carolina may be the next in line for teacher walk-outs, however, this may be a problem as it is illegal to unionize and strike in North Carolina, a right to work state.

Finally, Kanye West has lost his mind. Earlier in the week, the former coolest rapper in the world turned dumbest rapper in the world, turned Kardashian bitch boy destroyed all the talk last week of his new found philosophy when he first aligned himself as Trump’s dragon brother, then told a TMZ reporter “When you hear about slavery for 400 years, for 400 hundred years? That sounds like a choice.”

So, according to Kanye, African slaves chose to be caught by rival Africans, chose to be traded to Dutch Slave holders, chose to be ripped away from their homeland, chose to be shoved into small spaces on a ship for a journey across the violent Atlantic, chose to be malnourished, chose to be chained, chose to be sold, chose to be beaten, chose to live their lives in constant fear, chose to be told they were less than human, chose to reproduce only to have those children ripped away from them and never see them again, chose to die nameless, without a legacy, and lost to history forever.

I choose to say, Kanye West, you don’t deserve any more time or attention here, and you will not get it.

And that’s the news, or some of it, for this week…(exit soundbite)



Welcome to the LocalFiles. This week we look at Tower Hill, IL, a small village southeast of Springfield, and South West of Chicago. The village is in the middle of a scandal where the former Treasurer of the village was charged with stealing $100,000 dollars from the local treasury between 2010 and 2016.

Nancy J Finley, 51 of Pana, IL, was arrested when State Police revealed probable cause after a complaint was filed in the Shelby County Circuit Court which noted that she, “knowingly obtained unauthorized control over property belonging to the Village of Tower Hill, that property being U.S. currency, with the intent to deprive the Village of Tower Hill permanently the use or benefit of said property.”

Theft of government property in excess of $100,000 is a class X felony with a penalty of 6 to 30 years in prison.

In the village of about 600 people, it is not a surprise that everyone knows her with several of her closest friends questioning whether she was alone as she “always helped me out,” Tammy Beck, a close friend noted. “People make mistakes,’ she continued, “In my opinion, there might be more people involved.”

It seems conspiracy theories don’t just run in D.C.

Finley appeared in court after posting $5000 bond, only to request council as she apparently doesn’t have enough money for representation. One of the more interesting questions the Judge would like to find out is where the money went, allowing Finley and her appointed lawyer only a month to prepare.

So there you have it – embezzlement isn’t so rare in America.

And that’s all for the LocalFiles for this week,  remember, if you have a local story you want read on the BetaFiles, email it to us at thebetafiles23@gmail.com, or send it through Facebook messenger or Twitter DM. You can find us on both networks as thebetafiles.  (exit soundbite)


Dr J Segment:

                                                (soundbite for J)

Ok –it is time to welcome my dear friend and colleague Dr. J. who is here to join me in a short discussion about comedy and the importance of social commentary…What’s up, man?

(Exit soundbite)

Closing segment:

(Opening soundbite from WHCD)

“Thank you!” was what she said when Sean “largest crowd in history, period” Spicer criticized her on Twitter. Andrea Mitchell called for the White House Correspondence folk to publicly apologize for Wolf’s words, the same Andrea Mitchell who did nothing when her colleague Chuck Todd was attacked by Trump twice calling him “sleepy eyed Chuck Todd” and “a sleepy eyed sonuvabitch.” They defended Kellyanne Conway too, saying Wolf went too far with her as well, the same Conway that created the term “alternative facts” in a defense to a blatant lie that no one is really sure, to this day, why Spicey insisted on standing his ground over.

And don’t forget the Bowling Greene Massacre.

But Wolf went too far, so far that five days after the infamous dinner, we are all still asking if it was wrong or appropriate. Well I have the answer: Flint still doesn’t have clean water.

In the 19 minute roast, Wolf did what looked like amateur hour for this administration. The biggest difference: in her vulgarity filled roast, a massive amount of truth bombs went off, making the room even more uncomfortable – something the White House and its current staff know nothing about. In fact, they spend most of their time defusing truths so they can cover them in a lie case that shields everyone from the explosion.

For all of those that want to whine about her language, I would suggest checking where she was at the time. She was at the one event that each year celebrates free speech. If you’re offended, don’t invite a well-known risqué comedian to a first amendment celebration and tell her to keep a lid on it.

Have any of you idiots who are responsible ever actually watched her on The Daily Show? Did you miss her HBO special? Did you think that the wise mouth girl from Comedy Central would actually be nice enough to kiss your asses?

What Wolf accomplished Saturday night is nothing short of pure genius. She did what she was expected to do: she torched an absent Trump in a series of appropriately inappropriate jokes and jabs. She took the key women of the administration to task over their failures in a time when women are gaining more and more ground in the power struggle between the sexes. But most importantly, the moment she “lost the room” was when she went after the press. CNN has broken the news, MSNBC is less a news organization and more like a tragedy of an American family, and Fox News is nothing more than an old man plotting the next time he can chemically seduce an unsuspecting woman into sex. She took a shot at Hannity by not taking one, using his own words against him. She pointed to the way #MeToo has lost steam. She offered herself up to a Michael Cohen payoff. She summarized every Thanksgiving dinner in a simple sentence: “Milk comes from nuts now, all ’cause of the gays.”

But most impressive is not the shots at Sanders, which people can’t seem to shut up about, but the following quip:


You guys are obsessed with Trump. Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him, but I think you love him. I think what no one in this room wants to admit is that Trump has helped all of you. He couldn’t sell steaks or vodka or water or college or ties or Eric, but he has helped you.

He’s helped you sell your papers and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster, and now you’re profiting off of him.

It was at this moment that truth ran headlong into the headline makers who, all of sudden, began Tweeting that she had gone too far – about Sanders.

She shouldn’t have said that about Sanders. I can’t believe she’d say that with WHPS sitting right there. Sanders is brave for sitting there through it. WHCD should apologize for Wolf attacking Sanders looks which Wolf never mentioned.

They did just what she accused them of. And by Monday afternoon, they were making bank off Wolf’s portrayal of Sanders, a part of the Trump White House. Part of the machine that is driving our culture into the ground. And they have continued to ride the wave of her 19 minutes all week.

The obsession with the Trump White House is addictive, consuming, and a vortex that leads nowhere. We’re even guilty of falling into the Trump trap here at The BetaFiles. It’s hard to stay out of the hole. But I think the message we can take away from her “vulgar display” is not the shots she took at Trump, but the ray of light she shined back at the press. The power elite that is supposed to be the voice of the people on Saturday and Sunday were proven to be nothing more than power elite who speak to and for themselves. A Trump Truth come to fruition. Self-fulfilling prophesy that has hurt the press more than Trump’s insistence that it’s all fake news.

She didn’t do it to them as so many in the press are accusing, rather they did it to themselves by reacting the way they did.

And they missed her harshest critique of both the Administration and the press: the story no one is covering; the same story the Trump White House is ignoring; the very symbol of multiple massive atrocities that the press should be covering into the ground until Washington listens and does something but instead has lost interest and, as a result the story, like so many that it represents, has fallen to the wayside to be forgotten.

Flint still doesn’t have clean water.

And that’s the show for this week. Next week, we’ll have another fun look at the headlines from the week, Dr J will join me for a fun discussion about who knows what, and so much more. For Dr J, I am The Barbour, thank you for coming by. Make it a great day, and always remember, as long as the sun rises there is opportunity. Take it…

This has been The BetaFiles.

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